This was just one of the periods of insecurity for Michael. He explained how during another period of homelessness he slept in his boyfriend’s single bed at his boyfriend’s parents’ house. Too scared to leave the room, he hid away. When hearing his boyfriend was unfaithful he left and on leaving his former boyfriend’s mother explained they had always known he was there because they saw his shoes in the hall, and that he would have been welcome to join them. Other periods of sofa-surfing were less distressing for our participants, but they were marked by similar feelings of being in the way. Importantly for our analysis, this discomfort was not tied to their sexual or gender identity, but to the insecurity of their housing situation. Some of the same feelings were expressed in people’s experiences of hostels and shared supported accommodation – having to share kitchen space and having food stolen; sharing social spaces; not having access to the internet and a computer latino singles dating. Again, it is likely these would be similar for all residents.
Another way in which insecurity was manifest in our participants was in the feelings expressed over the loss of possessions during periods of homelessness. After his first experience of homelessness, Michael lost all of his possessions as they were taken by his landlord. He explained how:
‘When you only have one change of clothes at that age it was really embarrassing – people are seeing me wearing the same thing all the time and they are going to think I am dirty.’
‘Even stuff like, his mum would buy a book and read it once, so there was a copy of Oryx and Crake, which is my favourite book in the universe, and it was her copy, but I had read it so many times that the spine broke. I tried to take it with me when I moved out and she went through and said, that belongs to me, that belongs and that belongs to me.’
She went on to explain that this symbolised the loss of something deeply meaningful, and the loss of a friendship. As suggested by Noble (Noble, 2002 , p. 57) ‘home… is understood as a kind of project of ontological security, an ongoing accomplishment’ and belongings associated with identity are key to this project; when that identity is non-heterosexual belonging in the home can become more important (Pilkey, 2014 ).
In these cases, sexual or gender identity did explicitly interact with a housing situation
In the next section, we discuss positive experiences in such accommodation. However, some of our participants had more negative experiences. Daphne had left a hostel, in effect become homeless again, because she was uncomfortable with the way staff treated her. Veronica experienced explicitly transphobic behaviour from staff in a hostel:
‘I was in a couple of homeless hostels for a bit and I actually had to leave one of them. The reason being I was not comfortable there… They kept on trying to treat me as a man’
For Anna, who was bisexual, when her first period of homelessness began after her relationship with a man ended, this loss of possessions, and impact on her identity was keenly felt as the perpetrator was her former boyfriend’s mother:
‘when I was in the hostels I certainly did not disclose it then because I just would not. Some of the people in there I do not know if they would be sound with it [accepting].’
In these cases we see how sexual and gender identity was associated with discomfort and a sense of homelessness even in hostel accommodation. In all the cases, the experience meant the participants were made to feel uncomfortable in their queer selves, or could not express this openly for fear of the reaction from other residents. Contrasting Veronica’s act to leave the hostel to express her sexuality, and Thomas’s choice to stay, but remain closeted, we can clearly see the thin rationality that exists for LGBT + homeless individuals (McN ). As they negotiate the transgressive act of their queerness, and particularly for transgender people their queer bodies, in a heteronormative environment, and their need for accommodation security in the short-term, they have to make an assessment of the risk to themselves and their bodies in coming out, or being themselves, in different environments.